Lonely

I guess in many people's life, we do experienced the feeling of lonely.

Perhaps, some does not, because they have so many friends around them.

As for me, today I find it extremely lonely, probably because after I had finished school,
I went to work part time, and most of my weekend are burnt. Hence, I distant from my good buddies.

For my present life, being a mother, it makes me harder to hang out with them because I need to bring along Javier. I cannot possibly bring him along to a pub or club. Most of them have to work or study. So we does not meet up frequently.

I really want to be just like my friends, so carefree, enjoying every freedom they had and hanging out with their best friends.

Though I have a family, but still they can never replace friend nor friend can replace family. They are both different concept of companion.

Knowing that I am blessed with families who care about me, but it will never be enough.

Cancellation of My Birthday Party

I am really relunctant to cancel it off.. Just because he wanted to be involved and he could not make it, he asked me to either change it to his off day which falls on a weekday or celebrate ourselves.

Sigh... Because of the budget and to please him, I actually gave this up.. I really do not understand why am I doing this...
WHY??? Can somebody tell me why...

My mom said: "your wedding was also important but we did not do the banquet. So what, 21st just celebrate on our own will do". When she said that, my heart sank to the bottom of the sea.

Because we did not have money, because we are poor??? Are we???

Now I could not stop myself from tearing..

I felt so stupid. I had sent invitation 1 week ago, and today I had to apologised to people for cancelling it.. Is it right or wrong... I must have disappoint many people..

Life is so difficult... When I go back to work, I will not stop myself from what I want to do whether others like it or not.